Valkyria Chronicles.

I swear it is easier to find a cross dressing shemale midget at a bakery ordering a pizza than it is to find a copy of this game where I live. I called or went to every store and I was only able to find ONE copy. One is sufficient to play the game however but it seems that such a popular release has so few copies out in Aalborg, Denmark. Well not even the most popular danish game site (for buying games) CoolShop.dk had any copies of it and also had no idea on when they would have any copies available for sale.

So after spending half a day (no joke) on trying to hunt a copy of this game down I finally got it. The box art is awesome. The tank commander does not even look at where he orders his units out, he just points his arm in a direction and say GO and so his companion run into certain death. Jolly fun game.

This is a tactical role-playing game. Yeah weird mix, but no not really. You are Welkins Gunther, a guy that obviously had parents that hated him with more than just their guts by naming him Welkins Gunther, lets call him WG.

The game starts with you seeing a cinematic with WG walking down a river while tons of people are evacuating the nearby city due to the fact it is being invaded and bombed the living shit out of it. WG stops up at the river and starts talking to some fish! He thanks the fish for being polite enough to stay still so that he can sketch them for his handbook of randomness. When suddenly you see the tip of a rifle and hear, “You’re under arrest!” or something like that.

Being accused for a spy and his handbook of randomness seen as a coded message (in form of trouts!) you are brought away to the station?!?

Nevermind all that. Lets skip ahead. WG gets a tank that is called Edelweiß which basicly means Noble White and I recall that there is a flower named the same.

WG’s objective then is to kill as many Imperials as possible and no it is not George Lucas Star Wars Imperials even though they also have Stormtroppers!

It is also an awesome fact that you bring children into the war many of your soldiers are underage 15 – 17 years old and they cheer and shout when they kill people. What a happy bunch of psycho children.

The graphichs are awesome everything is made with this waterbased looking colour scheme and all the animations are smooth and consistant.

Gameplay is fun it really makes you use the old grey ones (your brain…).

The only things that annoys me are two things. There is no multiplayer. And the game makes you select every cinematic after each one has stopped. They last for 5 minutes max and there are often 3 ones in a row. Why they fuck couldn’t they make it so it all came in succession or atleast make a function for that..

Nevermind if you’re into strategy based games with a decent story, pick this copy up.

I recommend it.

And if I recommend anything then you should fucking getting it!

Do it!

Do it NAUGH! (Said with Arnold Schwarzenegger accent…)